Confession: I'm Afraid and mildly OCD

Change scares me, it always has and never seems to get its fill of putting me on edge.


I don't try to prevent changes from occurring and am often known to actively seek out opportunities and experiences that require change in one form or another.
 

Recently we sold our house.
It went much faster than we anticipated. There are no rentals available in our area. Shocking right?
Makes me feel twitchy.
I'm excited we will get the opportunity to build a home in the near future. The in-between time might include long term and winter camping.... (I really hope not).

 

Progress is a form of change that also intimidates me. I have had some progress in my writing and feel that brink of 'something' that makes me excited and terrified.


My solution to all the vague change and progress? Bring out the OCD!
 I'm not kidding.


I seriously get all tedious, detailed, and over do things like jogging. Not helpful things like cleaning or making loads of cash. Nope, I get OCD over about timing, patterns, distances, rates, and methods.
I know that I tend to fall back on to the comfort of OCD when change and progress compound on me.


For instance:
When running three miles, if my pace was 6mph yesterday it has to be the same or 6.1 mph the next run, or I have to run one tenth of the distance farther, or I will count in odd number patterns the whole time and make weird faces that I'm sure freak out the cars driving past me.


Knowing this super annoying tendency I do something I hate most of all...
I change my running path and distance on a regular basis so that I CAN NOT fall into too crazy of a numbers/patterns obsession.

What's the point of this post?
The point is change and progress scare me.
They terrify me--make me feel raw and exposed.
Maybe I'll rise to the challenge or maybe I'll be skinned alive. I don't know.

 

I let myself feel afraid. I can't stop that from happening.
That feeling doesn't define or determine my moments.

I allow a small degree of my tendencies toward OCD come out, which for me can play a role of comfort; like counting in odd patterns while I jog or making weird faces at passing cars.
But, not so many or much obsessive actions that I can no longer function in a positive and healthy direction.

Yes I'm afraid and mildly OCD.
I'm progressing toward goals I desire and have been working hard to achieve.
I don't know what the future holds and I'm still moving forward.



Write on, move up, and make weird faces jogging.

Body Image: Let's Change It

I'm an adult.

I think things like, "How do I look?"

I look in the mirror and cringe on a regular basis. It doesn't strike me as an abnormal reaction. I don't often bother to verbalize my thoughts about it...

And yet today when I waiting for my six year old daughter to change into her swim suit I heard her say, "the top of my legs are so fat and ugly."

My first reaction was anger. "What?"
Then reason, "We don't talk like that about ourselves."

She looked at me stunned. I'm not sure what she thought my reaction would be, but I definitely did something she wasn't expecting.

Good! I thought. Now I have her attention. I had to figure out what to do with it, and fast.
I know my girl and there is only a limited window of use of sustained attention.

"In our family we only use the words healthy or unhealthy. Are you healthy?"
"I guess..."
"Good. I think so too. When we get home we can make a fun poster to highlight all the ways we choose to be healthy." (She is a sucker for posters--seriously. She's constantly begging to make charts and posters. It's cute).

This also gave me time to gather my thoughts and develop a plan for the new body image regime I had just instilled for my entire household.

Here's what I came up with. Body image should not be solely defined by our visible characteristics. Thank goodness I told my girl we were using healthy and unhealthy! I could use more than just physical appearance criteria! Phew, dodged a bullet on that quick reaction.

It's not perfect--and didn't cut and paste nice and dandy, but it's a place to start. Also I had columns- it just wouldn't cooperate with the blog thing at my skill/knowledge/tech level)

The Poster:

Approved terms for Szymanski Family Body Image

HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY

HEALTHY

Adequate sleep

Active (physical activity)

Good hygiene (clean and groomed)

Learning about/working on things/skills

Develop talents

Service minded

Grateful

 

UNHEALTHY

 

Not enough/too much sleep

Unbalanced food choices

Inactive

Poor hygiene
Disinterested in things/skills

Stunted talents/loss of talents

Self-centered/entitled
Selfish


If the majority of your behavior is within the healthy choices you are healthy.

 

If the majority of your behavior is within the unhealthy choices you are unhealthy and must pick one area/behavior to work on. Start with one and build from there.           

 

 

Being healthy isn't easy. It takes a lot of work. Dedication, determination, and discipline are all required to be healthy. Few, if any, of us have all the areas of health listed conquered at any given time. As long as you are majority healthy, you are healthy If you're not- guess what it's not the end of the world!!! You can pick one single area to improve. Make a goal for just that area, maybe two goals if you want to be an overachiever. Bring that area back over to the healthy side and if your still off balance pick one more until you are once again majority healthy.

I for one m constantly cycling.

It's okay. I'm human.

And I do things like make my family group costumes like this (I'm proud of this BTW Aquabats rule)

 

 

Disclaimer:

I like fat. It's not a bad word.

However, using it in a way to speak negatively or oneself or others is not the proper use of the word. Fat can be good and I have a great appreciation for it when in proper context.

Honor fat, use it for good.

Let's rethink how we encourage good choices in our families. Not to mention how we frame body image in everyone. It's not just what you see.

The Magic of Relating Experiences

I once read a blog post where a woman described being defecated on by her newborn son in such horrifically fascinating detail that I longed for the opportunity to commiserate her experience with her.
I've since changed my mind on that...

The art of relating an experience is what an author/writer aspires to do.
Doing it well is not only a skill, it's a master-craft.

Did you see Lego Movie?
Masterbuilders? Well there are MasterWriters.
Those are the people that can see the elements of an experience that can be arranged and highlighted in such fashion as to render the listener/reader incapable of turning away or closing the book.

Taking things from one mono-angle and elevating the perspective to widen your ability to appreciate the horror of butt-splosion from an unhappy infant.

We've all read the Facebook posts that say nothing more than *Boo, or some other derivation of bland complaint. Did you fall into the trap of following-up for more detail?
Did you get any more detail?
Often those who lack the vision to expound on their experiences from the start can't satisfy your curiosity (at least that's what I've decided to tell myself after totally falling for this kind of post and being left in the lurch).

How much more satisfying is being transported into a friends experience--getting a glimpse into their ability to manipulate an event based on their reinterpretation for entertainment sake? (I'm not talking exaggeration or falsification--far better. The ability to relate an event and make it so personal you know what someone is talking about even if it's never happened to you).
Last winter I was driving a particularly treacherous canyon road in the middle of a whiteout snowstorm. I was terrified. Literally scared out of my mind.
Guess what? That's not interesting.
And it didn't help me handle the situation with any additional skill or grace.

Drawing upon some story relator masters I had been devoting hours of spare time listening to/reading. I decided to *retell* myself the experience I was having.
Winter Olympics were happening during that time. It gave me a perfect opportunity to reshape the event.
NOTE: I'm still learning this craft of story relating--you will see the flaws, but this is a blog about the bumps in trying to bring myself up to the level of those I'm inspired by. Enjoy my amateurish awareness into new ways of thinking, speaking, sharing... :D

*I just won the gold medal in multi-ton vehicle canyon Luge! It was a white knuckle blind turn race with 27 competitors backed up behind me- poised to take the lead. No one could see worth crap. Making turns as we had all memorized them in the months of practice runs down and up the canyon. Practice paid off! We're alive! But, I got the gold- so HA!*

I failed to bring the reader into the moment the snowsheet cleared to reveal I was in the oncoming lane with a massive semi-truck yards way and closing. The only thing that saved me was the mind-numbingly slow speeds required under that kind of snow-terror-driving.

Practicing to re-frame my experiences, so that even I would want to have them, has a bonus effect.
My life is way more awesome than it used to be.
Almost every mundane event and experience can benefit from a change of angle. I have found I'm much more content day to day.
*If you see me staring insanely at nothing I'm being awesome. Ask me about it in ten minutes and I can relate to you how awesome the moment was.

If you want to experience True MasterWriters I'll direct you to:
Dan Carlin (this man is the best I've ever heard. Even if you have no interest in history, listening to his podcasts will heighten your expectations for retelling of events) Hardcore History
http://www.dancarlin.com/disp.php/hharchive
And anything written by Sara Baxter www.sarajbaxter.com. 
http://hahasforhoohas.com/stories/kindergarten-wisdom


There is magic in all things--If you know how to tell(show if you're writing, of course) it right.