Most often when I hear ‘be confident’ it’s in reference to being outgoing.
I’m not always outgoing. I can be outgoing, but it drains me.
Also, it’s my belief that I don’t have to be outgoing to be confident.
I’m a fan of the quiet confidence that doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Quiet confidence does not draw attention. I like to define it as
‘me being okay with the environment and where I fit in it’
If something in that environment changes, like an aggressive type personality, or say, someone telling me I need to be more outgoing, I might lose my feeling of comfort in the setting, and thus lose confidence in that environment.
Yes, my confidence is not fixed or set in concrete around my person.
I’m okay with that.
Being okay with not being constantly confident does something important for me:
I don’t have to sustain any given level of energy, which to me is the biggest thing.
I have permission to react to my environment.
I consider myself an ambivert personality, where I have the ability to be outgoing, but also need down time—lots of down time. Needing downtime, or quiet time—where there is no spotlight on me, nothing demanded of my energy level, does not diminish my confidence. It only means I need to recharge, and that’s a good thing for everybody.
Basically, there are lots of different kinds/versions/levels of confidence and no one is better or worse than the others.
Learn your type, and embrace it.
Like I say (but, admittedly Emma Stone says it better^^^)
Embrace your Quirks, Pursue your Talents. Don’t let anyone’s definition of confidence prevent you from being you.