Confidence and Compliments

Continuing the discussion on Confidence.

Compliments, humility, and confidence.

The triad of doom. Or the three-way that just ain’t happening in my head.

I grew up with the distinct impression that humility was valued over arrogance or boasting.

 

This spawned a bizarre relationship with compliments.

I love to compliment others, but get scared to death when anyone compliments me.

 

 

Basically, notice anything you appreciate about me and I turn into a deer in the headlights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know what I'm supposed to say, 'thank you,' and graciously nod acknowledgement of kind remark.

 

However, my instinct is to deny, deny, deny--lest I come off arrogant or boastful.

If I had it my way, I wouldn't only deny, I'd spend a good half hour demonstrating my numerous flaws in order to disprove said compliment--"There! Humble, baby!"

 

Except this isn't humility either, and it sure heck isn't good for confidence levels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have gained the ability to stare lamely for less than ten seconds before the nod and thanks. It's the best I can do.

 

To be perfectly honest, I often say a silent prayer that no one will notice me or say anything to me, so I don't have to face this terrifying situation of how best to handle a compliment.

 

 

 

I'm okay with me, as long as no one points anything out.

 

On Confidence

I've been thinking a lot about confidence lately.

 

There seems to be a lot of pressure on that word.
Or maybe on our population to be defined by that word.
I'm not sure how I feel about that, and I'm going to explore it, or try to.
An effort will be made.

Points to consider:
How do you define 'confidence'?
Do you consider yourself confident?
If so, why?
If not, why?
What do you consider to be the defining traits/characteristics of a confident person?





I'd love to hear from readers about experiences with this word, viewpoints, experiments, anything that has to do with the word confidence. Lack of it, gain of it, sustaining it.

 

Let's turn this blog into a discussion for a little bit.
I'm curious about how we see this concept as a group, while I'll be sharing ideas of my own as this series goes on.

Make Them Feel It

 Words have an ability to affect us.

How does that happen?

Hitting on our senses in ways we don't expect. It draws the reader in.

Using the senses in writing.

without all the nastly 'ly' words.

 

Visceral is something I hear bandied about a lot in writing helps. What does it mean to provide the reader a visceral experience?

Our goal, as writers, is to force the reader to feel things in ways they can't defend against.

These are in no particular order.

Smell:

"He motions me inside, where I’m assaulted by the fumes of wood polish."

 

Touch/Texture:

"I feel thin, not the skinny model kind of thin, the kind of thin that’s like a string of chewing gum, about to snap."
 

Sound: 

"I don’t have to yell.  Whispering in this crowd offers a validity that can stand up to pedigree."

 

Taste:

"I’ve developed a taste for trouble. Like hot sauce, I’ve built a tolerance that I not only crave, but need to intensify."

 

See/Sight:

"We’ve lived on Rockwood Lane for sixteen years without any suggestion of ‘moving up’ or ‘moving out’. Then Mom bought red exterior paint and murdered our front door."

 

 

What I love about writing/reading is wording phrasing something in a way that makes me feel like a tourist in written world, experiencing things old and new in foreign ways,

thinking differently,

sensing things strangely.

 

Isn't that what it's all about?

Presenting...

...On Presenting.

I'll be doing my first writer presentation.
Where people sit at my heels and bathe in the wisdom of my experience.

Which boils down to,

Just keep running toward the goal line.

I've prepared. I have a PowerPoint and everything. (I even have plans to share delicious candy)
But, that doesn't eliminate nerves.

Someone shared this:

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

TED talks. I should watch them on loop.

 

 

So I should be ready.

But, it doesn't end now.

I have to practice.

Oh that dreaded word.

The one that makes you tired because you know you demand as much, if not more, from yourself than anyone.

 

 

 

 

 

It's coming.

I've prepared. I must practice.

Just like writing.

Every. Day.

I'm going to go over my presentation. Again. Again. Again.
And hope I don't sound like a robot.

 

Unless I sound like Siri. That robot is alright.

 

 

Projecting. How to Pick What's Next

Recently, I completed a first draft.

Which means I'm this far into that project...


While that is sitting--and healing from 'first-draftness', before I go back with the delete button, I have to figure out where to focus my writing energy.

There are other MS in the revision queue, and story ideas lining up for attention.
This is the HARDEST part of writing to me.

I'll think I've decided and then...

...Not decided.

I'm sure having an agent would help--they could look at the pile of choices and say,
"crap, crap...crap. meh, crap... wait a second, this one has promise--oh no, I misspoke, that one's crap..."

My agent would be so awesome--and probably try to kill me.

Being an independent author--or a floundering writer, however you want to label it--a lot of this 'where are my strengths' business is up to me, which really makes the whole 'project roulette' a crap shoot.

Things I use to help me make the most informed choices I possibly can:
#MSWL http://manuscriptwishlist.com/
This site informs me of which types of MS are being sought by both agents and editors.
Publishing is a fluctuating industry. It's important to know what is being acquired and what is being cooled because of oversaturation already.

Writing Buddies/Critique partners
I am blessed to have a trusted group of fellow writers that I can field for how much weight certain projects might have. It's vital to have those people who can safely inform me, 'maybe not this' and I trust and value their opinion as helping me not waste my time.

Writing groups/networks
Twitter hashtags to do with writing help keep me grounded in both trends and support.
#amwriting
#amediting
#amrevising
#askagent
#PubTalkTV
 These tags help me network with people struggling/celebrating with similar writerly experiences. There is no shortage of writers. The support is there,

A last mention of something that helps me determine what to work on--contest horizon. Writing contests happen all during the year. I will often search for contests that interest me in the months to come and determine if I have a project that I can get ready in time to enter.
My book releasing summer 2016 is a contest winner from #PitchSlam 2015
Some others include:
Pitch Madness hosted by Brenda Drake.
Here's her contest schedule for this year--she is one of my favorite and most trusted contest hosts.
http://www.brenda-drake.com/contest-schedule/

There are regular contests from writers on Twitter. Follow fellow writers to learn about upcoming events and opportunities. The best thing I've gained from Twitter is talented and supportive writing friends--even more valuable than contest status is the support and encouragement the writing community shares.

Be Involved.

Now I have to go choose which file to open on my desktop...

Life Goals

Thanks to Universal Studios announcing Harry Potter Land opening in April 2016, I have a new life goal.



Affording taking a family of five to Universal Studios AND Star Wars land.



Yes, in a few short months the prospect of my life being complete will only be dollar signs away.

And maybe a few child leashes. Those are good, right?



This is my C3P-OH outfit.

Editing FOR-Eh-VER

Sometimes the editing process never ends.



At least, it feels that way.

When you're hiring an editor, you want to make sure you fit with expectations and timelines. Basically, let them know what you're looking for, what you want done, what they charge, how long it takes, how many people are already in line, and when you'll be hearing back.



Remember editing is not super duper fast.  Not if it's being done in depth and well.

So what I'm saying is... I'm a writer, which means I edit, or work on edit notes I get from Critique Partners, Beta Readers, Editors, Publishing associates, and anything I get-- All. The. Time.

I edit.
I am NOT an Editor.
But, I freaking edit.