Confidence in the face of Anxiety

There are lots of obstacles to maintaining confidence, not the least of which is mental health. I highly doubt there is a person spared some internal challenge--it seems to be a gift freely administered to all humankind--the unseen battles within. The internal challenges may vary in strength and duration from person to person, and may have different impact on one's self-view depending on the individual.

Continuing the series on confidence. 

I'm blogging today to say, yes. Yes, mental health is a challenge to personal confidence, but it doesn't have to be a permanent fence or shield keeping confidence at bay.

My biggest self-view challenge is anxiety.

 

 

I know I have high anxiety and that the smallest thing can set me off. I also know that my reactions, when in a high stress situation, probably lack all reason and common sense. Knowing this about myself affects my confidence. I can't trust myself in this situation and feel like I have to apologize for reacting to anything--having no idea if I'm within the normal reaction range or if I've crossed over into 'If you touch that it will blow up in your face and we'll all die!' when selecting food from a restaurant menu.



 

 

 

Over populated spaces, loud echoing noises, people whose laugh could be mistaken as crying, or losing track of where my kids are, are all major triggers for me. As a teenager I avoided party invitations, dances, large social gatherings--because I knew it made me feel crazy to be in those places, and it only got worse after having kids.

Having said all of this, I still consider myself to have a healthy level of confidence. I'm aware that I won't appear confident all the time. I know that I might even act like a lunatic--afraid of unidentified noises and too many faces packed in neon lit rooms. But, I know that those anxiety driven reactions aren't the sum of who I am.

There are many obstacles and challenges to maintaining confidence. What I'm proposing is that we don't have to be 100% confident at all times. I'm giving myself permission to be uncomfortable at times. To react to situations that make me feel crazy, and not let those situations control how I see myself (that's a major challenge for me).

It doesn't mean any of us has to assume we're lacking confidence, just because we struggle with something unseen.

For me: Anxiety isn't pretty, it also isn't the only thing I am. Confidence isn't a constant either.
Both are a part of who I am, and may vary in strength from time to time. It helps for me to recognize my limits, and remind myself that it's okay to be uncomfortable in certain situations.

Frustrations as Non-TV viewer--Level: A RED BOX

When I want to watch a movie, I go to A Red box.

I never watch movie trailers, because I don't have regular TV. So Red box is like Movie Cover/Title Roulette.

There should be Movie Title trailers: Trailers for Movie Title

So Here It Is:
(note: for fear of trademark infringement I've used a literal 'red box' image here)


Husband: Have you ever heard of any of these movies?

Me: Uh... no.



Husband: Any idea what this might be about?

Me:
*Imagines storyline based entirely on cover image and title*

(Dramatic Movie Trailer Voice)
In a world with separate hello’s and goodbye’s, one island has devised a time saving dialogue that confuses the bejeesuz out of everyone.

“Aloha”

“Oh hey…” Stranger waves vigorous hello.

“I’ve been here the whole time, jerkface. I now leaving.”

Not even Emma Stone could save the awkward heartache and broken friendships caused by the time saving word. Until used in a setting where it could accomplished one major goal, redeeming its purpose for all time and solidifying its place in island culture. REUNIONS--of all kinds.

Making family visits last exactly how long they were meant to.

*opens door*

“Aloha.”

*closes door—thanks cab for waiting* “good visit”

(family inside: “wow, thought she’d never leave.”)

Husband:
*Blinking*
Well, you got the 'In a World' voice down.

Me:
*Smiles. Rents Spy--except it's NOT THERE! AHHHHHH!*


*The Red Box wins this round*

Conquering Fear of Contests

Contests scare me.

I'm determined to improve my skill and scope. So I challenged myself by entering a contest.
I chose to enter contests without an entry fee, because this is my first experience in any type of writing contest. I approached it as a learning opportunity and not a monetary investment.
I still needed to figure out what to enter and if I had the right material ready before any deadlines.

 

Step 1.

Find free contests. (Oprah isn't giving things away anymore? Bummer).

Thanks to Twitter, Facebook, and friends I heard of two similar contests within the entry window.
PitchSlam and Nest pitch. Both of those contests are based on a 35 word pitch, or tight summary of the novel, and the first 250-300 words of your novel.

 

Step 2.

REFINE REFINE REFINE

I formed a group to tackle this one and invited anyone also involved in the contest I was going to enter to join in order to refine our entries as a group. We posted our original Pitch and 250. The group commented on things that worked (positives) and things that didn't (constructive). Then we revised based on feedback. We posted revisions and commented again. There were many impressive entries in our group. I filled expected over half our group to be chosen as finalists for PitchSlam, the contest with the first announced results. Two out of our 18 active members were picked. No I was not one of them.

Step 3.

Keep Trying.

The first contest provided me with feedback that I needed to improve my work in ways I had not known.
I applied the information I was given to my novel, pitch, and first words.
(Nestpitch contest's submission window actually closed before I received feedback, but I applied changes to my own work anyway--hoping the selection committees/teams would see potential in my story with what they had on hand)

I was selected in the Nestpitch contest!
The last three weeks have been working with my contest team to refine my entry for the final round. That round begins in two days from the time I'm writing this post.
.
I'd love to say I obtained an agent from entering my first ever contest, but that is not what this post is about (and I have no idea what the final results will be yet). It is about conquering my fear of entering contests, which is not related to results.

In a short window of time I have gained not only the stamina to lose, and the determination to continue with my personal goal, but also the confidence to be selected.

These lessons are essential for me in my continued growth as a writer. Pushing myself to the next level.

My Personal Motto:

Embrace your Quirks.

Pursue your Talents.

I can't accomplish those things without a little fear conquering.

On to the next challenge.